>Sitting at my desk, I place my newly developed pictures into my portfolio. Hearing a knock at my bedroom door, I look up to see a reflection of my father in the mirror. Turning myself to face him, I smile.
“What’s up dad?” I ask, wondering if he needed me for something.
He looks to my work for a moment as to see what I was originally doing. “I was just checking in before I head off for a few hours. The game is about to play, so I thought I head to James’s to watch it.
“Okay, but will you be back for supper?” I ask, knowing he is the one to usually cook. Everyone else not really having the culinary gene. Only being able to boil water myself, I would hate to burn the house down while he is away.
Hesitating for a moment, he reaches into his back pocket. “Here, this should cover plenty for pissa tonight.” His words excite me, as he hands me the money. Loving pissa, I am up for it always.
“Thanks dad,” Hugging him, I breath in his fatherly smell of musk and sweat.
Sitting only a few feet away from the television wrapped in Steph’s arms, David and I play one of our favorite games together. “I don’t get why you guys enjoy these kinds of games. They’re so violent.” A soft tone says from behind.
Looking to my girlfriend, I give her a kiss. “The violence is what makes them fun darling.” Responding, I give her one more peck before turning my attention back to the screen.
“Speak for yourself Vi, I play for Moxxy. Do you not see how attractive she is in that hatter outfit of her’s.” David pipes in with half of his mouth full of pissa.
Looking to him, I take the chance to tease my love. “You do have a point, I only know of one other lady who could wear that better.”
“You’re so sweet Baby,” she says, taking the bait.
Facing her, I continue. “You thought I was talking about you Babe, I was referring to myself. I could totally rock that outfit.” Smirking, I feel a push from her.
David laughs to himself, as he keeps with his mission. “You’re such a butt,” she tells me, and I can’t help but to smile once more. “Yes, but I’m your butt.”
Her eyes sparkle as she laughs, making me remember why I fell in love with her. “I love you.” My words meaningful, I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like her.
Hearing steps behind us, I notice mom out of her room. She almost never comes out, and even less so, when dad is gone. “Hey mom,” I say, encouraging her to interact with us.
Looking over to us, I see hate in her eyes. ‘but why?’ She must not be feeling herself today. Being this way for a couple of years now, we still are getting used to her condition.
“Don’t say hey to me,” her words come out with disgust.
David’s attention snaps to her, observing what she does. Trying to figure out why her mood is so sour. “Mom, are you okay?” His voice makes her look to him.
“I’m fine. I just don’t want them in my house!” Her voice rises, and I can sense Steph’s body tense.
Squinting his eyes, he continues to question her. “Who?”
“The Queers!” Those words coming out of my mother’s mouth send a pain to my being. Remembering the day I came out, it was so hard to say the words aloud, but mom. She was proud of me, my biggest supporter. ‘So, why?’
“Mom!” David’s voice firm for the first time. Dad being gone, he takes his role temporarily. “That is your daughter, don’t you dare say that to her again.”
Fire in her eyes, she looks back to Steph and I before returning her gaze to him. “She is an abomination, not my daughter!” Hearing her response temps my emotions. The mother that I love, one who has taken care of me even before birth, she can’t truly hate me. ‘Can she?’
Getting himself up, he heads towards her. Cautious as to not escalate the situation. “Mom, you don’t mean those words. This isn’t you, not the real version. Our mother loves us both deeply, so tell me. Who are you?” Sounding calm, I don’t know how he does it.
“You are right about one thing, I’m not your mother, but I am real. SO very much real.” Her eyes something venomous, I’m not sure what to do. “My name is Jerry, I will be calling the shots now, not your precious mother. She’s to week, and week doesn’t survive.”
“Jerry, give our mother back control. This is her body, not yours.” David commands the personality. Remembering what the doctor said about bringing our mother back into control.
Scoffing at his order, “What part of ‘she is week’ do you not understand.”
“Mom, please!” David persists, not willing to let the bully stay in charge.
Noticing a shift in our mother’s face, I wonder if this is actually working. Her eyes glaze over for a moment, before the darkness is erased from her features.
“Mom?” My tone wavers, as I keep my gaze upon her.
Looking at me, then back to David. “How did I get out here?” Her eyes dart to the floor, confused. “What happened?”
“Everything is okay mom, you just came out to get something to eat, but you’re fine now. Let’s go back to your room, okay?” David helps her to her room, and I sit there for a moment. Getting my thoughts together, I almost forget Steph is still here.
“Umm, I. I think I should head home.” Her words bring my attention back to her. Completely understanding why, she would want to leave. Getting up, I help her to the door. “That would be a good idea. I’m really sorry you had to be around for that.”
Walking to the door, I lace my finger between hers. Trying to ease her anxiety, I push my feelings for the moment aside.
Outside, we wait for her parents to pick her up. Sitting in the swing, I pull her to me. Wrapping my arms around her to keep her warm, we both stay silent. Unsure what I would do without her, I hate when people make me feel ashamed of who I am.
If anything, we know about love, is that you don’t have much control over it. So why? Why is it I am not aloud to express it for someone like her. Nothing we do together effects anyone else, yet makes us happy. Tell me why my love is less than anyone else’s. Why others can show affection, but it’s wrong if I do. We aren’t meant to be beings of the physical body, that’s why we expire. If that’s is true, then why live by these rules. To classify everything, we do according to what genetics we have.
Getting up from my bed, I head to the kitchen for some water. Once there, I notice a figure at the cooler box. ‘Mom, what is she doing up?’ Timidly, I move my way towards her.
“Mom?” My voice wavers, as I try to let my presence known.
Turning to me, I am filled with dread as her eyes seem to impale me. “Don’t call me that,” she response with her tone full of hate. ‘Jerry!’
Unsure what else to do, I try to back my way out of the situation and this room. “I’m sorry. I’ll just head back to my room.” My thumb pointing that way.
Slowly walking himself near, I turn away quickly in the hopes to avoid another interaction. Feeling a grip of my loose hair, it’s only a split second before I am thrown to the ground.
Looking up, I try to keep myself from breaking down. ‘Show no weakness.’ Jerry walking towards me, and I scurry myself into the island. “I never said leave girl! You will learn that I control this house, and everyone will listen to my rules. Even an abomination like you.”
Afraid of how this will end, I find myself frozen. Helpless to do anything of the saving nature. “I knew earlier, the only way to get myself alone with you was to lay low. Your mother only came out because I aloud it.”
Listening to his words, I am afraid of what his plans to be alone will consist of. ‘Does he plan to hurt me?’
Knowing there is only one way to find out, I ask. “What, what do you want with me?” My words come out low, but he still manages to hear them.
Smiling something of nightmares, he answers. “I plan to punish you for your nature. You disgust me, but I plan to heal you of your sins.” Coming near, I take my chance.
Kicking my leg out to trip my poor mother, I know harm to her is the only way to catch Jerry off guard. Running to my room, I quickly lock the door. Hoping all the commotion will wake someone.
Banging his fist in a rampage, I can feel the vibrations against my spine. “You won’t be safe forever Violet. You can’t stay in there forever!” My mother’s morphed voice rings out from the other side.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I can't hold it together any longer. Tears streak my face, as darkness fills my body. Fear, confusion, despair, self-hate, and even loss. Loss of the bond I once had with my mother. We have always been close, but now I know I won’t be able to be around her without the fear of Jerry coming out. <
Feeling my consciousness snap awake, my mind takes a few moments to adjust. That memory still lingering in my head, I can feel my heart still racing. Looking up, I see David. Making me feel a little safer. He may be my little brother, but with him by my side, there is very little I can’t handle.