Reading my favorite book for the fourth time, I lay upon my bed. It’s one about a boy who has to save his love by sacrificing himself to keep her alive. Tragic, it always seems to pull me in. How could someone do something so heroic? I feel like I would choke if I had to do the same. To love someone so deeply, you would sacrifice everything for them.
Caught in an intense scene, my mom startles me when barging into my room. “Crap mom! You scared me.” I tell he lightheartedly, smiling wide at her.
“I’m sorry baby, but I just wanted to ask you a question.” She gets out before settling herself at the end of my bed. Playing with the deep blue bedding, I can tell that it’s something of importance to her.
Softening my gaze upon her, “What is it?” I ask, wondering what thoughts are in her mind today. Knowing each day tends to be different, with so much crowding inside her head at times.
Looking up at me with those soft green eyes of hers, she tells me. “I wanted to do a family dinner tomorrow, with Karoline too of course. I know how much you’re found of her.” Found being an understatement. She is practically my whole world. Never feeling the way I do with her, with anyone else. Being with her makes nothing else feel of even close comparison.
Grinning wide at her, I know that this dinner would do my mother some good. “I think that sounds great. Do you want me to call Violet?”
Her expression lightening up, I know that she misses her. Always talking about her when she feels the most herself. “Please.”
“I’m sure she’ll love to come. Was there anything else?” I ask her, knowing it’s hard for her to keep her thoughts straight. Sometimes needing help to remember all she was tasking herself to do.
Her face fluctuating in emotions as she sifts through all the thoughts and voices to make sure she didn’t come in here for any other reason. “No, I don’t think so, just that and to tell you I love you.” Her last few words meaning a lot to me. No matter what she goes through, she always likes to remind us that she cares.
“I love you too mom.”
Deciding to take a walk, hoping it will clear my head. My thoughts keep directing themselves back to Karoline, and I know I have to eventually tell her how I truly feel. 'Tomorrow will have to be the day.'
My phone rings in my pocket, and I know it's Violet returning my call.
Picking it up, I take the call. “Hey sis.”
“Hey, is everything okay?” She asks in an anxious tone.
“Yeah, I was just wanting to know if you wanted to come over for a family supper tomorrow?” I ask her, waiting for her reply.
“I would love to. Is Karoline coming over too?” She asks in a positive tone.
I hesitate before responding. “Yeah she is. I am actually thinking about telling her things.”
“What things?” She asks in her normal older sister tone.
Afraid to verbalize the exact meaning of my words, I ask it in a wavering tone. “How I feel things?”
“Did you say that as a question, dude I’m coming over early, just to help you through this. It’s times like this that you need your big sis.”
“Great, because I really need you on this one.” I tell her honestly.
“What time should I head over?”
“About 1400 should be fine. I’ll see you then, I love you Violet.”
“I love you too.” She answers before hanging up the line.
Picking out the outfit I look best in, my mossy green button up with small yellow flowers on it, a matching yellow bow tie paired with my dark rustic colored blue jeans and brown dress shoes. Deciding as well to shave the little stubble I have on my face.
Mom finds me in the bathroom, and I can tell that something seems to be off with her this morning. Pausing at the door, she looks me up and down, admiring my attire in a motherly way. “Hey mom, what’s up?” I ask locking eyes with her in the mirror.
“I just wanted to make sure my baby was safe.” Her words chosen carefully, I wonder what the voices have been telling her this morning.
“I’m safe mom, don’t worry about me. Are you ready for the dinner tonight?” I ask her in a soft tone, as to not startle her.
A confused look comes across her face, and I can tell she must have forgotten. “What dinner?”
“The family dinner? Karoline and Violet are coming over this evening to eat with us.” Hoping she remembers, I try to direct her thoughts to the proper memory.
Her thoughts never click, but she tries to pretend they do. “Oh yeah, I remember that now.” Her words hallow to the truth.
“I want to speak to your dad, do you know where he is?”
Knowing he told her multiple times before he left for the store, I wonder if the dinner is still a good idea for today. “He went to collect the ingredients needed for supper tonight.” I tell her, praying that her memory isn’t that bad today. With the knowledge that if it is, an episode is sure to come in the near future.
“I remember that now. Well tell him that Jerry was asking for him when you see him next.” Her words linger even after she is gone. Jerry only comes out on occasions, yet when he does, trouble always follows.
Hating myself for putting so much pressure on this evening, I know the fates must have had different pans then I. Canceling tonight’s plans would be the best decision, but I also know if I don’t tell Karoline today, I’m going to change my mind about the whole thing.
Hearing the sound of the front door closing, I know my dad is home. Mom has been wondering about the house, whispering to herself, and I have been afraid to confront her. When she is in this mode, dad is the only one ever able to get her to calm down.
“Densrick!” My mother’s voice trails through the house, but I know it is one of her other personalities taking the drivers seat in this moment.
I peak through my door to see what actions are being partaken outside of it. My mother runs up to my father with a look of fury on her sweet face. Her words hot, but my eyes are locked on the metal glistening from the handle she grips behind her back.
My father with no clue of the secret hidden behind her, approaches calmly towards her. Movement of the knife brings my attention to alert, and I know if I don’t act now, my father will be at the end of it in the next moment.
My feet charging ahead without a care of what will happen to me, I wrestle my mother to the ground. Careful not to harm my mother in the process. Knowing that she is not to blame for her actions in this instant. My father in a state of shock, unsure of what is happening.
Once the weapon is out of her hand, and into mine, I know the situation can now be handled by my dad. Still in a slight state of shock from his wife trying to kill him, I have to snap him out of it.
“Dad! I think you should take mom to bed.” My words soften once I know he hears me.
“I think you’re right. Maybe you should call Karoline to tell her supper is off for tonight.” He tells me in a regretful tone, and I know he is right. She doesn’t deserve to come into a mad house like this.
Hesitant of clicking her number, I think about what I should say. Thinking about everything that happened today, and how quick mom lost control. I wonder if I should even stay in Karoline’s life anymore. She doesn’t deserve to be exposed to this kind of toxicity. What if this happened when she was here? 'or worse, what if she was at the end of the knife instead of my father?'
I couldn’t live with myself if she was harmed because of me. The thoughts of her rejecting me have been playing on repeat in my head all day, like that is the worse that could happen. Not even thinking once that the worse could be her returning those feelings, and getting harmed for just being in my life as a result of one of mom’s episodes. Knowing then what I have to do.
No matter how much this is going to kill me, I have to cut Karoline out of my life. For her own safety and happiness.
The ocean dwells in lonely life and storm, but for a perilous few it was their livelihood, passion and their way of survival. The large wooden Pirate ship crashed into the waves as it glided across the ocean. The water black, the stars overhead, billions of stars. Captain Gant A.K.A Black Water, ...